Today I want to talk about a topic that is near and dear to my heart: that of miscarriage and infertility. For many women, Mother’s Day can bring about a complex range of emotions. Maybe you are mother to a child that isn’t here, or maybe the thing you want most is it become a mother, but that isn’t happening for you. That was me – year after year thinking that I was alone as a woman in this journey.
In this post, I am styling a pair of the coveted infertility and miscarriage awareness leggings from Lularoe. Unfortunately, I was unable to come by a pair of these, but I found a very similar pair from Charlie’s Project which are just as buttery as Lularoe! I will be giving away a pair and sharing my story. My hope is that one day, this will not be a taboo subject that is shoved under the rug!
Growing up, I had never wanted children. I also never wanted to get married, but that changed after I met my husband! After we had been married for about 2 years, something in me shifted and realized that I wanted a child. I knew it would be difficult going in to it as I had severely irregular cycles (as in once a year irregular!), but we started trying anyway. I went to the doctor and they diagnosed me with PCOS. This was something I pretty much already knew, but being formally diagnosed helped to speed along the process being approved for fertility treatments. You kind of think going in to it that the treatments are a magic cure and you’ll get pregnant immediately. That is not what happened. Treatment after treatment failed. I gained a lot of weight and was pretty much crazy all the time from the hormones. You watch as all of your friends get pregnant and think to yourself that “this” will be the time and it will finally be worth it. You get asked all of the time when you are going to have a child by people that just assume it is that easy for everyone.
After 3 years of different invasive treatments, I decided that I had had enough and that if I didn’t get pregnant that cycle, I was done with all of it. That cycle I got pregnant. I was elated! It had finally happened for me! And then we found out that I was pregnant with quadruplets – one set of identical twins and one set of fraternal. That was when reality came crashing back down. This was not over: It would be yet another struggle in a series of what seemed like never ending struggles. This would not be my time to be happy and “enjoy it”. Then came the never ending questions. Did you have help? Do multiples run in your family? Are you going to reduce?
At this point, I was terrified but in the back of my mind kept thinking that out of four, one of them just HAD to be able to make it to term. I began to have weekly checkups. I lost the first one before the end of the first trimester. I managed to keep it together until later in my second trimester, I lost the pair of identical twins. “Be glad that they’re dead now and you don’t have to worry about this later” the doctor told me. At that point, I lost it and the entire rest of the pregnancy was a terrible kind of torture for me. I would search for a heartbeat every couple of hours and every appointment was pure torture as I just “Knew” that this would be the time they told me that he hadn’t made it.
On April 19th, 2013, I had my son. He is the most STUBBORN being known to man and I think that he survived out of pure stubbornness! I am incredibly proud and blessed to be his mother!
Miscarriage and infertility are still one of those “taboo” things that people don’t like to talk about. As a result, many women feel like they’re alone; like no one else understands what they are going through. According to the CDC, about 10% of women experience infertility. And 15-20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. That is a lot of people. Chances are, at least several people that you know have experienced loss or infertility.
If you are someone who is going through this now, know that you are not alone. If you have a friend that is going through this, just be there for them. Be mindful of asking others when they are going to start a family. You never know anyone’s circumstances and that can be a stab to the heart.
Entry is below – Good luck!
Until next time,